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Lifeline

Confession is good for the soul...so here I go. NSFW

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I'm letting it all out. Foremost, my life over the last five years has become a mountain of a joke. A cliche. Lost my ranch, my business, and my marriage is a f**king train wreck.  I married my buddy, which is the worst thing you can ever do! Not that, "she's my best friend" bullshit, nope, a buddy. Someone I knew TOO much about. Past sexual dalliances, her smokey ass smokey pot smoking when we first got together, all of that monotonous shit that you know about your pals. 

Truth is, I fell in love with her during our friendship after I turned my back on the love of my life because of this "bros before hos" frat boy shit that taken over my life! There was a woman when I was young, we were the same age. She was 21, I was 21. I worked at a bar with this 32-year-old letch who was dating her because they met when Captain Mullet with his tan, abs, and his Camaro started golfing where she worked.  So this beautiful gossamer creature tells me she wanted to break up with Capt Mullet because, and I quote, "I am falling for you. He wants to brag to his buddies about nailing a younger woman and he's not nearly as awesome as he thinks. And you are better than you know. You're amazing." There is a long conversation about her love for me and how amazing she thought I was for volunteering to help out with OKC Bombing aftermath. I mean, she actually thought I was so great that she told my mom, a woman she barely knew, "He's the greatest." Of course,  I was recently divorced after a six-month disaster to a woman I married because I'd gotten pregnant. Of course, she wasn't pregnant and faked the whole thing because she needed a place to wait for her "true love" to get done with his marriage.  And I had a nice house because I worked two freaking jobs and went to school!

Now, this beautiful creature. She told me, I was great and that I would be an amazing man, no matter what I did. Doctor, hot dog vendor. She didn't care. And me, a hapless romantic, turned my back on a truly romantic moment. And I have spent twenty-five years with a woman who looks at me like a f**king pal, a buddy. A FWB for life. If I try to be romantic, she makes jokes. And I don't mean, in the last few years, the whole time. I married a bowling a partner.  

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I am truly just a pathetic joke who never tried at the one thing that really scared him. I could skydive from orbit and it would scare me as much. 

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The sad irony, there was a moment where the two of us under any normal circumstances would have kissed. But like a frat boy b*tch, I just didn't. Because I really didn't think I was good enough for her. 

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Posted (edited)

I have not seen her in 25 years. Never even looked her up on that Fakebook crap. Why? So, I can flush 23 years of marriage?

I've just become a burden to my wife. Like an exotic pet, you end up dumping in a Florida Swamp.  Yes, I still function. Job, life, and duty to the marriage, but what is it all really. Is it real? Yeah. It's real. Raw. Unfiltered. The most unromantic love story to have ever been written.

My wife loves me and I love her, but it's like brother and sister. And has no real chance of ever being a real romance. 

Edited by Lifeline

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Father God,

I lift this poor lost and agonizing soul up to You.  I ask You to reach down and intervene in this man's life and bring him to a place of Peace; I pray that You would release him from the regrets and doubts he has; I ask You to work in his marriage ... that he and his wife would begin to see each other in a new light; that they would begin to be far more than just "buddies" and "pals" to each other.  I speak Your Light and Your Life into this man and his wife, Father.  I commend them both into Your hands ... in Jesus' Name.   Amen.

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I do not know who you are, friend, but I will add you to the list of those whom He has put on my heart to pray for. 

I just want to share this one last thing ...

You *are* loved ... you *are* special ... no matter what the world says ... no matter what your circumstances appear to be.  You *are* a Beloved One. 

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