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The real first thanksgiving

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 toast    164

And black friday was when the natives were slaughtered in their sleep after being lured into a false sense of security.

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 octopus prime    1,469

The REAL story of Thanksgiving goes like this : 

One day Tuag,  a member of the Rake-Muck nation,  was preparing for the annual peekboo ritual.  The peekboo ritual involved gathering all the tribal kids, giving them hammers, and telling them to find an oak stump full of water whereupon they must beat a jackrabbit senseless before they drowned it in the stump water.  While blindfolded.  No one,  not even the village elders knew why this was, they just knew the ritual was of vital importance to the future well being of the Rake-Muck nation.

Meanwhile,  Captain Phineas D Cromhurst, of the Eastwick Cromhursts and leader of the Funkytown Settlement, espied  the Rake-Muck children in the midst of their ritual.  Not understanding the meaning of the ritual and what with the language barrier,  Cromhurst came to the logical conclusion that the Rake-Muck nation was starving. 

Now, the Funkytown settlers, being found righteousbefore God, we're moved by compassion and invited the Rake-Muck tribe over to share their simple, but bountiful meal of dandelion stew, acorn bread, and roast muskrat. Everyone ate and had great fellowship. 

And this was the first Thanksgiving until people decided to rewrite history.  

If you're going to tell one, indeed. .. tell one 


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