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BunBun

The Wonderful Aspect to being a Christian

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Earlier I wrote about training under the Lord and the ways in which the Lord corrects His children. Now, I'm going to write about the Joyful Aspect of being a Christian. 

I think the thing that really drove me into the Lord's arms was when my own dad died. I was 33 in October of 2007 when he had a heart attack and died. I had been pretty used to having dad in my life and suddenly-he was gone. He might have been a man who was hard to have a positive relationship with because of his anger and his jerk-like behavior, which would come out so frequently. But, in his death, I was suddenly unmoored. Also, the spell that I was under while dad was alive suddenly broke. My father's version of morality and right and wrong suddenly seemed open for discussion. I had been praying before this, but my prayer life had become what I call a "list" prayer. People I wanted the Lord to watch over and for protection and that kind of thing. Because of not living up to God's standard of morality for quite some time-I had an addiction to romance novels-I had been standing sideways to Father and Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit. I had given them my heart when I was 5, but I had taken it back again. As soon as my father was gone, I was adrift. I needed Father like I had never needed Him before. I needed to have a real Father. An adult male dad who wouldn't lead me astray with insistence that there should be no censorship and that going to the casino to gamble was alright. My mother had been insisting that my dad was having an affair in the months leading up to his death. I believed her even if it was only an emotional affair. The spell that I had been under from my usual Spiritual Leader-dad-was broken. Who was going to pick up the pieces. 

I remember laying in my bed and the "list" prayer was no longer acceptable to me. I needed help. Real help. I started talking to Father and begging Him to be there for me. Amazingly, He was. At first, he was so used to me not paying attention to His Morality and just treating Him like a cosmic genie to answer my prayer wishes. He said on one of those first nights, "What manner of man is this?" I was like, I'm not a man at all, Father. I started talking to Him and telling Him about what had happened to me when I was a child. Immediately-he freed me from the sexual immorality. I was able to throw all the romance novels away which was something I had wanted to do desperately since I was 24 years old and hadn't been able to do. He freed me from sexual addiction. From there, he listened. I was having neurological symptoms of grief such as jerking while I was going to sleep and there was a tremendous amount of Spiritual Attacks, which had been going on for years. As I spent more and more time with Father, He and Lord Jesus protected me from the Spiritual Attacks and made the beings who were having unwanted sexual relations with me while I was asleep stop as well. Father is so strong that when He puts you under His protection, you are under protection indeed. I talked to Him and Lord Jesus for hours going over every event in my life and talking about all the feelings I had been trying to deal with since childhood. He was patient and loving and He allowed me to spend a lot of time with Him. I had fears of reading the Bible because I felt like the women weren't treated well in the Old Testament and I had trouble dealing with some of the stressful things that happened. He was disappointed with me, but He helped me. We have talked about all those things that went on in the Bible. Father is very honest and He is very Good. He knows what sorts of thoughts human beings have. They aren't His thoughts, but He isn't surprised by the thoughts that we have. He's very patient and a very good listener. 

I have spent every evening and night talking to Father and Lord Jesus since 2007. Sometimes, I only talk to The Lords for an hour or two and sometimes, I talk a lot longer. I have learned not to keep him all night. If I am really destroyed, He would be willing to stay and listen all night. I know that. I think it's difficult for Him how I get destroyed so easily. It would be easier for Father and Lord Jesus if I were more resilient, but they know what sorts of things have made me like I am. I have a Father now and Lord Jesus who are the Spiritual Heads of this girl. The two of them have been with me through thick and thin and they still love me. For that, I will always love them. It's amazing to me that a girl from the trailer park like me, a nobody, has Father's  and Lord Jesus' undivided attention for hours at a time. It's amazing to me that they care what I think and what I feel. Lord Jesus has bound my heart so many times and helped me when I was just destroyed. He picks me back up again. They have taught me that even if the other humans around me are too wrapped up in their own lives and thinking that they can't help me, I have a Real Present Help who is with me all the time. Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit have tabernacled with me meaning they live in side of my spirit person in my chest. They are there all the time and I can call on them whenever I need them. Lord Jesus is a caring, gentle person and even though all three Lords are the Genius' of the Universe, they take time for one damaged girl. I am their daughter just because Lord Jesus died to purchase me back with His Innocent Blood. He has bought my pardon. He has gotten me out of the slave market of sin and is holding me in his hands. 

To have this relationship with The Living God is worth more than all the Gold and Silver in the entire world. To be with them, the only place of comfort and peace. This is why King David felt about The Lord as he did and this is the reason why they had such an amazing relationship. Lord Jesus has made it possible for us to have this relationship with Him and Father. Lord Holy Spirit is there too. He can be very quiet. Lord Holy Spirit is very humble and He never gets jealous of me clinging to Lord Jesus and to Father. He loves me just as much as He did when I was a baby. I am poverty stricken in this life, but I am rich beyond measure. Father and Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit are mine and I am theirs. There is no other relationship that we can have that even comes close to the one we can have with our Creator God. We have to learn to walk with Him humbly and to seek His face. He's my rock. I run to Him always. God will deliver you. He's a good Father. He will discipline you and teach you and it might not go the way you expect it to go. But, He is always Good. 

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4 hours ago, BunBun said:

There is no other relationship that we can have that even comes close to the one we can have with our Creator God. We have to learn to walk with Him humbly and to seek His face. He's my rock. I run to Him always. God will deliver you.

Beautiful!  I couldn't agree more :) Amen and Maranatha!!!

 

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I am glad for you that you have this relationship. I think it is also called, "A gift of faith". And, you have been blessed to have faith to open the door to know that the Lord is real and Ever Present. I am sorry for your loss of your dad. Thank you for sharing. You write beautifully. 

 

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