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BunBun

My Mistake-A Confession

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 BunBun    450

Last month, there was a thread that UKShep made. I got very upset about that thread. The thread was about Transgendered People in the Bible. The premise of the thread was that if God didn't know about the Transgendered thing, then maybe the Bible isn't accurate. That's how I saw the thread. Well, I take the Lords very seriously. Father is my Father and Lord Jesus is my Savior and Lord Holy Spirit is my Teacher and my Friend. I Live very closely with them spending hours each night talking to Father and Lord Jesus. Everytime I am scared, I run to them. I can hear them speak. I have been able to hear them since I was 2 years old. I asked Lord Jesus if that makes me a Schizophrenic and He said, "We don't call it that. We say that you are a Hearer." God is My Life and there are days I would so much rather be in Heaven with Him than here on earth. Earth is maddeningly stupid and the people who live here, even though they know that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is the One True God-well, they would rather do anything other than acknowledge Him. 

My husband takes things of the Lord to lightly. He has seen me for 25 years with my face to the Ground before the Lord. That is where I am always going to be because there is no safe place in this universe besides being right in front of the Lord with Your face  bowed down before Him. No safe place. 

Well, needless to say, I was hurt and angry and very upset by this thread. In the days that followed, I didn't come on here. I went downhill somewhat as I always do when I have to leave a forum that I have really enjoyed participating in. I wasn't doing too well. There were other stressors going on here at home as well. A number of things all came together at one time and I went downhill really badly. I was so discouraged and I felt like I wanted to be Home with the Lord so badly. I get so tired of the anxiety-see fear attacks that I suffer day in and day out. I am sick of the evil of this place and I am sick of being alone all the time. All day long I take care of my 22 year-old autistic son and though he's mostly a good kid, the stress and the isolation is difficult to bear. My husband is 3rd shift so he is sleeping all day even on weekends. 7 days a week I am alone with my disabled son trying to keep both of us on an even keel and trying to keep food on the table and the housework and yard work done. Sam went to my mother's for a couple of days and I went into a suicidal funk. My husband was short tempered because he was under too much stress and I just couldn't handle anything more. 

I had a really crazy day where I got a rope and picked out a nice place in the garage. I didn't really want to die. I actually like breathing. I figured if I did it, that Lord Jesus would make me wait around to see the reactions of my children and my husband. Of course He would do that. I knew and in knowing I couldn't leave them yet, I had to find a way to live here on earth for a little while longer. I decided I would stop caring. Maybe if I stopped caring, I could get the fear attacks to stop and I could stop worrying and stressing and feel better for a while. I stopped caring. I also stopped making meals. I stopped doing anything. Well, that pissed my husband off and two days later, he lit into me and said the most hurtful things. I mean he absolutely went after me to destroy me that night before he left for work. I warned him not to do it. I told him that I was going to go to Father. My husband threatened me and said that he could stand before Father with an absolutely clean conscience and stormed out of the house. 

Well, there it was. I went back and calmly, quietly laid on my bed and talked to Father who had seen the whole thing. He had been watching for days. I said, "Father, will you feed (my husband) a cosmic shit sandwich." I was peaceful and calm when I asked Him. No yelling. No screaming. No shouting, just absolute calm. I had a very nice talk with Father that night and went to bed. About midnight my husband called me and he was in the hospital. He was having chest pain and extreme shortness of breath. I got up and went to the hospital and got a very nice and much meant apology for the things he had said before he left. That was like a breath of fresh air. I don't usually get apologies that are meant from this man. I forgave him and we cuddled and went home after they decided he hadn't had a heart attack. I figured Father had just scared him and hadn't hurt his heart. Father's very gracious. Even though my husband will not behave towards the Lord of All Universes as he should and will not attend church and will not give Father money, which is our duty because all King's collect taxes from their subjects, I figured Father probably made his point. I prayed that Father would not hurt my husband's heart. 

Of course. my husband had to go to the doctor and they wanted to do a stress test. I figured it would be okay. I had been really calm with Father and hadn't yelled or screamed this time and I figured Father would probably not really hurt my husband over this. He did the stress test. It came back abnormal. We were called into the cardiologists office the same day and they were scrambling to get a catheterization procedure set up for Thursday. The Stress Test showed that he had a blockage that was affecting a large area of his heart. So, he was off work that whole week and had the catheterization on Thursday. They went in and looked and essentially-didn't find anything. There was no blockage. Scared the crap out of my husband, I can tell you. But, Father didn't actually hurt his heart. Now, the medical bills are rolling in. I should say, the Lord served my husband a "Cosmic Shit Sandwich" in this thing. That's for sure. 

A few months ago, I was having trouble tithing and paying all the bills. I pay the bills. I told my husband and he said not to give the Lord anything because God would understand. I didn't think that was a good idea-see:Kings and taxation. We are supposed to give Him 10 percent. That's His share of what we earn. Well, I can tell you that God has blown away our ability to pay our bills for some time. I mean boy howdy. I don't even know how I'm going to pay these people. It's almost like we didn't have insurance at all. I have warned my two sons. I have explained to them that they see their father not giving God the place that He deserves and not bowing his face to the Lord. They see their father ignore God most of the time. I warned them that they better take it seriously and get down on their faces before Father and Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit while the getting is good. God will blow away everything that you earn when you steal from Him. If you mistreat your wife while she's having a problem because you missed a few meals and were too lazy to get out of bed earlier than an hour before you have to go to work, and your wife is a daughter of the Living God, you better be really careful. I almost wish I hadn't asked Father to feed him a cosmic shit sandwich, but I get fed shit sandwiches so frequently. This man is head over me and he can do with me whatever he wants and I cannot stop him. I have no power or authority to protect myself from him. But, the Lord is the head over my husband-whether my husband wants to acknowledge it or not. God is his authority and God can do with him as God pleases and there is nothing this man can do about it. 

So, now, I sit here in my house-because if I leave this house, I have an anxiety fear attack. I can't go to Wichita without getting really sick. I can barely go to my mother's house. I am jailer to this disabled young man day in and day out. My moments of calm, I would like to spend with people who are friendly to me and my God. I can't imagine how anyone who has been on earth for 5 years isn't intimately familiar with Heavenly Father. You never know when He is thinking of you. You never know when He is looking over your shoulder at what you type on the computer or what you are saying to other people. I remember being on GLP and it was so evil over there. I would sometimes get caught up in it. I know I didn't make Him happy. He is my love and my life. 

I apologize to UKShep for getting so angry about that thread. I really think you should be careful concerning the Lord. He does want Obedience. That's what He's asking for from us as well as worship and love. No, it doesn't make Him anything like the elites as Desertwolf was trying to say. Father couldn't be further from them. He is not evil in any way. He is all good. He's also the King of All Universes and He's very serious about people treating each other kindly. We may do and say something in a moment not meaning to hurt another person and do great damage to them. We all have to be careful. You never know what another person is going through in their life. I know it's easy to get caught up in theories and thoughts. I do it too. But, there are a lot of people who are struggling just with day to day life. 

My son-Sam-he's autistic. Autism isn't always noncommunicative children with sweet temperaments. My son has moments of intense innocence and he has what they call hypo-mania. When he is in a hypo-mania-he whispers under his breath about who he would like to kill and how he would like to do it. Since he has played so many video games and since ISIS has been on the scene he has very inventive methods of killing others that he would like to employ. In those moments, he is Grandiose and feels All Powerful. He doesn't question whether he should be plotting to genecide the black race and or the Arabs and he isn't likely to be reasoned with. He can be with his friends at play practice. At school, we got him to where he mostly didn't threaten to kill or do bodily injury to people around the other young people. Here at home, where he's comfortable-it happens frequently.  I know he has frontal lobe brain damage. I know exactly when the seizures starting happening to him that damaged his brain. I also know about my father's insanity and violence. My sister warned me that it could be passed on. I didn't want to believe it. Who would. My father was such an angry and violent man. He usually just kept it to threatening violence and intimidating other people. I know my son is full of hot air. He might want to hurt another person, but he has very poor muscle control and if he tried to beat up or injure a neurotypical human-he would be beaten very badly. You can't convince him of that. He's sure that He's freaking Rambo. I don't see how he can work a job. I refuse to put him in that situation. I don't wish to see him in jail. Someone might try playing with him and it could turn violent. He will defend himself and his language would make a sailor blush. We go to my mother's house most afternoons and he does acting with the kids he graduated with. I allow him to walk around town, but I prefer to be here so that if he needs me, I can come get him. It's a full time job taking care of him and the house and being there for my mother. I used to be better mentally, but since 2007, I have gone downhill really badly. 

Please be careful with other people. You never know what they are going through. We need to be kind. Father and Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit is never a topic to do harm to another person over. They are the most wonderful, most intelligent, most interesting males that exist. I know because I spend hours with them each night. They have been with me every night since 2007. They know everything about me and they know everything that has ever happened to me. They are not only My God, they are my Best Friends. I stay on my face before Father because that's the safest place in the Universe. I highly recommend it. 

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 Zireael    319

Hey, @BunBun.

I do not know the content of your comments from the other thread you are reffering to, however, I am sure that @Ukshep has forgiven you a long time ago. Who are we to judge others? No one is safe from those moments.

I was reading your text and it touched me. They say the Lord reserve the toughest of battles for his strongest soldiers, and you sure seem to be one hell of a strong soldier, Bunbun. One thing is sure and it is that here at Conspiracy Outpost, we do appreciate your presence very much and definitely don't wan't you gone. You are a wonderful being, Bunbun.

Have you ever thought about having a small conversation with the Lord about your financial situation? I am sure he would understand you, because after all, he is the most compassionate, ever forgiving Lord. Also, I am not so sure the Lord approves of the evil role of money in our modern society, and I think he could even despise your local church for stealing from people who need it more than them. Talk to him about it.

He loves you, and we love you too. You have been placed here for a particular reason, that only he knows why. You have a special seat reserved at his side. But remember, it is not for now! You are changing the world by your compassionate actions, we need you here.

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 Ukshep    25,442

I'm not mad at you in any way. I have disagreements with posters sometimes but no grudges from me.

As for the Topic with which you speak of. I ask all questions myself sometimes here for the first time. To me the possible lack of transgenders in the bible is a pretty significant thing if detailing the end times period since a lot of people are looking for similarities etc.

It was not meant to discredit god. I am after all a believer in a powerful being of good somewhere. But it did prompt me to ask if man has twisted this world so much as to betray what was first seen.

As for the rest of your comment. Words do indeed have power. Especially when one is hurting. But I think this needed to happen with your husband so that you could learn. As could he. Everything happens for a reason.

*hugs* Hope things feel better soon!

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 God Man    1,186
3 hours ago, BunBun said:

Last month, there was a thread that UKShep made. I got very upset about that thread. The thread was about Transgendered People in the Bible. The premise of the thread was that if God didn't know about the Transgendered thing, then maybe the Bible isn't accurate. That's how I saw the thread. Well, I take the Lords very seriously. Father is my Father and Lord Jesus is my Savior and Lord Holy Spirit is my Teacher and my Friend. I Live very closely with them spending hours each night talking to Father and Lord Jesus. Everytime I am scared, I run to them. I can hear them speak. I have been able to hear them since I was 2 years old. I asked Lord Jesus if that makes me a Schizophrenic and He said, "We don't call it that. We say that you are a Hearer." God is My Life and there are days I would so much rather be in Heaven with Him than here on earth. Earth is maddeningly stupid and the people who live here, even though they know that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is the One True God-well, they would rather do anything other than acknowledge Him. 

My husband takes things of the Lord to lightly. He has seen me for 25 years with my face to the Ground before the Lord. That is where I am always going to be because there is no safe place in this universe besides being right in front of the Lord with Your face  bowed down before Him. No safe place. 

Well, needless to say, I was hurt and angry and very upset by this thread. In the days that followed, I didn't come on here. I went downhill somewhat as I always do when I have to leave a forum that I have really enjoyed participating in. I wasn't doing too well. There were other stressors going on here at home as well. A number of things all came together at one time and I went downhill really badly. I was so discouraged and I felt like I wanted to be Home with the Lord so badly. I get so tired of the anxiety-see fear attacks that I suffer day in and day out. I am sick of the evil of this place and I am sick of being alone all the time. All day long I take care of my 22 year-old autistic son and though he's mostly a good kid, the stress and the isolation is difficult to bear. My husband is 3rd shift so he is sleeping all day even on weekends. 7 days a week I am alone with my disabled son trying to keep both of us on an even keel and trying to keep food on the table and the housework and yard work done. Sam went to my mother's for a couple of days and I went into a suicidal funk. My husband was short tempered because he was under too much stress and I just couldn't handle anything more. 

I had a really crazy day where I got a rope and picked out a nice place in the garage. I didn't really want to die. I actually like breathing. I figured if I did it, that Lord Jesus would make me wait around to see the reactions of my children and my husband. Of course He would do that. I knew and in knowing I couldn't leave them yet, I had to find a way to live here on earth for a little while longer. I decided I would stop caring. Maybe if I stopped caring, I could get the fear attacks to stop and I could stop worrying and stressing and feel better for a while. I stopped caring. I also stopped making meals. I stopped doing anything. Well, that pissed my husband off and two days later, he lit into me and said the most hurtful things. I mean he absolutely went after me to destroy me that night before he left for work. I warned him not to do it. I told him that I was going to go to Father. My husband threatened me and said that he could stand before Father with an absolutely clean conscience and stormed out of the house. 

Well, there it was. I went back and calmly, quietly laid on my bed and talked to Father who had seen the whole thing. He had been watching for days. I said, "Father, will you feed (my husband) a cosmic shit sandwich." I was peaceful and calm when I asked Him. No yelling. No screaming. No shouting, just absolute calm. I had a very nice talk with Father that night and went to bed. About midnight my husband called me and he was in the hospital. He was having chest pain and extreme shortness of breath. I got up and went to the hospital and got a very nice and much meant apology for the things he had said before he left. That was like a breath of fresh air. I don't usually get apologies that are meant from this man. I forgave him and we cuddled and went home after they decided he hadn't had a heart attack. I figured Father had just scared him and hadn't hurt his heart. Father's very gracious. Even though my husband will not behave towards the Lord of All Universes as he should and will not attend church and will not give Father money, which is our duty because all King's collect taxes from their subjects, I figured Father probably made his point. I prayed that Father would not hurt my husband's heart. 

Of course. my husband had to go to the doctor and they wanted to do a stress test. I figured it would be okay. I had been really calm with Father and hadn't yelled or screamed this time and I figured Father would probably not really hurt my husband over this. He did the stress test. It came back abnormal. We were called into the cardiologists office the same day and they were scrambling to get a catheterization procedure set up for Thursday. The Stress Test showed that he had a blockage that was affecting a large area of his heart. So, he was off work that whole week and had the catheterization on Thursday. They went in and looked and essentially-didn't find anything. There was no blockage. Scared the crap out of my husband, I can tell you. But, Father didn't actually hurt his heart. Now, the medical bills are rolling in. I should say, the Lord served my husband a "Cosmic Shit Sandwich" in this thing. That's for sure. 

A few months ago, I was having trouble tithing and paying all the bills. I pay the bills. I told my husband and he said not to give the Lord anything because God would understand. I didn't think that was a good idea-see:Kings and taxation. We are supposed to give Him 10 percent. That's His share of what we earn. Well, I can tell you that God has blown away our ability to pay our bills for some time. I mean boy howdy. I don't even know how I'm going to pay these people. It's almost like we didn't have insurance at all. I have warned my two sons. I have explained to them that they see their father not giving God the place that He deserves and not bowing his face to the Lord. They see their father ignore God most of the time. I warned them that they better take it seriously and get down on their faces before Father and Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit while the getting is good. God will blow away everything that you earn when you steal from Him. If you mistreat your wife while she's having a problem because you missed a few meals and were too lazy to get out of bed earlier than an hour before you have to go to work, and your wife is a daughter of the Living God, you better be really careful. I almost wish I hadn't asked Father to feed him a cosmic shit sandwich, but I get fed shit sandwiches so frequently. This man is head over me and he can do with me whatever he wants and I cannot stop him. I have no power or authority to protect myself from him. But, the Lord is the head over my husband-whether my husband wants to acknowledge it or not. God is his authority and God can do with him as God pleases and there is nothing this man can do about it. 

So, now, I sit here in my house-because if I leave this house, I have an anxiety fear attack. I can't go to Wichita without getting really sick. I can barely go to my mother's house. I am jailer to this disabled young man day in and day out. My moments of calm, I would like to spend with people who are friendly to me and my God. I can't imagine how anyone who has been on earth for 5 years isn't intimately familiar with Heavenly Father. You never know when He is thinking of you. You never know when He is looking over your shoulder at what you type on the computer or what you are saying to other people. I remember being on GLP and it was so evil over there. I would sometimes get caught up in it. I know I didn't make Him happy. He is my love and my life. 

I apologize to UKShep for getting so angry about that thread. I really think you should be careful concerning the Lord. He does want Obedience. That's what He's asking for from us as well as worship and love. No, it doesn't make Him anything like the elites as Desertwolf was trying to say. Father couldn't be further from them. He is not evil in any way. He is all good. He's also the King of All Universes and He's very serious about people treating each other kindly. We may do and say something in a moment not meaning to hurt another person and do great damage to them. We all have to be careful. You never know what another person is going through in their life. I know it's easy to get caught up in theories and thoughts. I do it too. But, there are a lot of people who are struggling just with day to day life. 

My son-Sam-he's autistic. Autism isn't always noncommunicative children with sweet temperaments. My son has moments of intense innocence and he has what they call hypo-mania. When he is in a hypo-mania-he whispers under his breath about who he would like to kill and how he would like to do it. Since he has played so many video games and since ISIS has been on the scene he has very inventive methods of killing others that he would like to employ. In those moments, he is Grandiose and feels All Powerful. He doesn't question whether he should be plotting to genecide the black race and or the Arabs and he isn't likely to be reasoned with. He can be with his friends at play practice. At school, we got him to where he mostly didn't threaten to kill or do bodily injury to people around the other young people. Here at home, where he's comfortable-it happens frequently.  I know he has frontal lobe brain damage. I know exactly when the seizures starting happening to him that damaged his brain. I also know about my father's insanity and violence. My sister warned me that it could be passed on. I didn't want to believe it. Who would. My father was such an angry and violent man. He usually just kept it to threatening violence and intimidating other people. I know my son is full of hot air. He might want to hurt another person, but he has very poor muscle control and if he tried to beat up or injure a neurotypical human-he would be beaten very badly. You can't convince him of that. He's sure that He's freaking Rambo. I don't see how he can work a job. I refuse to put him in that situation. I don't wish to see him in jail. Someone might try playing with him and it could turn violent. He will defend himself and his language would make a sailor blush. We go to my mother's house most afternoons and he does acting with the kids he graduated with. I allow him to walk around town, but I prefer to be here so that if he needs me, I can come get him. It's a full time job taking care of him and the house and being there for my mother. I used to be better mentally, but since 2007, I have gone downhill really badly. 

Please be careful with other people. You never know what they are going through. We need to be kind. Father and Lord Jesus and Lord Holy Spirit is never a topic to do harm to another person over. They are the most wonderful, most intelligent, most interesting males that exist. I know because I spend hours with them each night. They have been with me every night since 2007. They know everything about me and they know everything that has ever happened to me. They are not only My God, they are my Best Friends. I stay on my face before Father because that's the safest place in the Universe. I highly recommend it. 

Bun bun,  ask God to fill your heart with so much love that you will feel love in your heart throughout each day going forward and you will bestow that love on your husband and children.  No more fear, only love, you can do it.

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 askakido    329
2 hours ago, Zireael said:

Hey, @BunBun.

<snip>

He loves you, and we love you too. You have been placed here for a particular reason, that only he knows why. You have a special seat reserved at his side. But remember, it is not for now! You are changing the world by your compassionate actions, we need you here.

Amen

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 kbet    844

Transgenders kind of did exist, they where merely cross dressing eunuchs most of the time.....

That said, breathe if you need to breathe, and just focus on the truth. 

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 DRUMZ    1,666

Hey There BunBun!

I was wondering why we haven't heard from you for a while.

Did you know that tithing does not have to be money? It IS true.

It can be in the form of time, yes time or donations of food or any such thing like helping someone. Even if it is just in the form of talking to a friend or stranger who may be in the need of a kind ear or compassionate smile.

Tithing does not at all mean just giving money to a church.

From what I have read, you already give FAR more then 10% of yourself and valuable time then 99% of anyone that I know.

Our Dear Lord does not want any one to be overwhelmed with anxiety or strife. He wants you to have some JOY in your life.

How can we love our neighbors as our selves if we are to troubled to have some love for our own selves?

Your mission is not complete. It will all become much clearer to you at the appointed time. So please hang in there, You ARE very much needed and very much loved. Loved beyond ANY human understanding of the word. 

None of us here on this form have ever met you, but guess what? We love and need you!

May God The Father, God The Son and The Holy Spirit Bless you and your loved ones  this very moment and in your future!

Peace to you Sister..... You and your family will be in my prayers! I am going to call a couple of kind people that I know who will pray for you also if that is OK with you? And if I know them (and I do) they will each make some phone calls and ask for prayers from their friends, and on and on...... We are ALL connected, but you knew that right?

Love and Mercy!

:banana-riding-llama-smiley-emoticon::bananas-in-love-smiley-emoticon::banana-riding-llama-smiley-emoticon:

 

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 Full Throttle    2,098

@BunBun  Stay strong, there are many followers of Christ here, we will support you any way we can.

I would like to give you a small piece of advice, Stop Tithing, keep your money, and or use it to help someone locally.   Tithing was for ancient Israel, and went to the Levite Priests only.   Part of the Old Covenant, and the Mosaic Law.

 

You and I are under Gods grace now.  The Old Testament Laws Do Not Apply to us Now.

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 Williams    505
14 hours ago, Ukshep said:

As for the Topic with which you speak of. I ask all questions myself sometimes here for the first time. To me the possible lack of transgenders in the bible is a pretty significant thing if detailing the end times period since a lot of people are looking for similarities etc.

In 2 Esdras, details are revealed about how the world would be in the end times, as it was told unto Esdras.

Amongst many other things, it mentions that confusion would be in many places, and about common-sense hiding itself:

2 Esdras 5:8 There shall be a confusion also in many places, and the fire shall often be sent out again, and the wild beasts shall change their places, and child-bearing women shall bring forth monsters (metaphorically):
5:9 And salt waters shall be found in the sweet, and all friends shall destroy one another; then shall common-sense hide itself, and understanding withdraw itself into his secret chamber,
5:10 And shall be sought of many, and yet not be found: then shall unrighteousness and incontinency be multiplied upon Earth.

5:13 To show thee such Tokens I have leave; and if thou wilt pray again, and weep as now, and fast seven days, thou shalt hear yet greater things.
5:14. Then I awaked, and an extreme fearfulness went through all my body, and my mind was troubled, so that it fainted.
5:15. So the angel that was come to talk with me held me, comforted me, and set me up upon my feet.

All the crazy transgender stuff.. equates with confusion.. it definitely is not common sense!

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