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My Take on the News

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 CGK    2,169

Every morning, I grab a cup of coffee and cruise through the news stories of the day. I can't believe what these so called journalists consider news worthy. . I know, I'm a smart ass and can be insensitive to other peoples feelings, so If you are easily offended, stop reading now.

If you view the world with a twisted mind, read on and enjoy! Here are some stories from today and my take on the news


The news:

The geniuses at the CDC have issued a new warning. Don’t kiss a chicken because you might get salmonella.

I say:

Don’t kiss a chicken because it might peck your eyes out stupid!



The news:

John McCain blasted Donald Trump over his recent speech in Phoenix “Because what he did was he fired up the crazies.”

 I say:

McCain spent 5 1/2 years being tortured as a POW in Vietnam which I’m sure fired up his crazie. Every group in the world has a spokesperson so It’s time that the crazies have one too. I think I might make a bumper sticker that reads, “Crazy and Fired up” Anyone else want one?



 The news:

A Smart Phone study claims that it can accurately detect depression using GPS data. People who spend most of their time at home and don’t go anywhere are depressed.

I say:

No kidding? They are probably stuck in the house and can’t go anywhere because they don’t have a job, car or any money. That’s depressing don't ya think?  Hey, I got an idea. Get rid of that 800 dollar phone and the monthly 150 dollar cell bill and use the money to go out and have a good time. Depression solved.



 The News:

The Little People of America want a Freeburg Illinois school as well as other schools nationwide to drop their school mascot/moniker “The Midget’s” because it is offensive to dwarfs. 

 I say:

Everyone is offended by something. So, whats next? Snow White can't have dwarf friends? The Wizard of Oz needs to get rid of Munchkin land? Little Tikes needs to rename their little people toys? Remember the song, "Short People?" Get over it!



 The news:

Doctors warned parents to stop buying laundry pods because kids think the brightly colored pods are candy and are eating them. Doctors say they charted 17,000 cases of laundry pod poisoning in the past 2 years.

 I say:

Parents..Put down your cell phones, watch your kids, and put the freaking pods up on a shelf where the kids cant get to them. Or better yet, make the pods look and taste like broccoli. Problem solved,















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 CGK    2,169

Glad I could give you a laugh Mole. 

As the saying goes, "Laughter is the best medicine" which is why 80% of the population is on some sort of prescription meds.

The real problem is no one is laughing anymore. When I grew up, everyone and everything was fair game for a joke. We had blonde jokes, Pollock jokes, Jew jokes, Black jokes, Irish Jokes, German Jokes, yo mamma jokes, fat jokes, etc. People laughed until they cried.

Today, anything and everything you say is offensive and not politically correct.  Who came up with that term anyway because there is NOTHING correct about Politics?

Anyway, People need to get get over their self righteous attitudes, climb down off their crosses and start seeing the world for what it is. Time to take off those PC glasses and start laughing again.


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 DarkKnightNomeD    1,585

I found this in one of my txt files, hahhaha

After SOTU Report:

Remember when Playboy magazine reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue?

Then Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic?...

And when KFC offered a "Hillary" meal, consisting of two small breasts and two large thighs?

Now KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket."

It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit. (Just keeping you up to date.....)

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 Lucy Barnable    2,675

“Chief Wana Dubie” announces bid for U.S. Senate from Missouri

A southern Missouri man with a burning marijuana leaf tattooed on his face says that he’s out to “smoke” the competition in the 2016 U.S. Senate race.

It’s going to be Dubie versus Blunt in 2016,” said Wana Dubie, who previously ran for the Missouri House of Representatives in 2006 as a Libertarian—receiving 556 votes.



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