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Ukshep

Stop worrying!

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 Ukshep    25,442

Inner conflicts. I want to provide you guys and gals with a nice forum. Even while getting attacked from all angles by multiple people. This shit is worse than gang-stalking and goes into psychic attacks and none of my methods of protection are working. I am only human! 

So i'll just counter this shit the good old fashioned way and spill. You can at least understand then if nothing else.

I was influenced over 2 years to destroy my ego. I did so willingly because i knew my ego to be bad and sacrificed it and my personal self for you all. Egos have killed many a forum you see.

Sadly this has destroyed my personal opinion of my self worth. And i find it hard now to cope with the shit that i am required to do. It has started to affect my moderation and that is why i decided last night that for the good of everyone it was best that i removed my ability to do so temporarily.

I'll be taking a step back for a little while and re-discovering who i am as i have not had a break since we started, as before i was always here in some capacity. I found it hard to detach because i cared so damn much. But i guess that is my own fault! And it has led me to this path i am on now.

I'm not writing this to stir up drama. But to explain myself. I've been a dick while fighting a personal battle with myself over what needs to be done, what should be done and how best to do it without infringing upon your free speech. in hopes of providing a platform that people would love. How does one deal with a psyop agenda when its entire premise is based on forcing you to moderate just so they can use it against you? Catch 22! Damned if you do! Damned if you do not!

I realize now while that is a great goal i must retain some level of personal identity and self worth. I must rebuild who i am! I hope this post finds you all well from the heart of a broken man!

It has never been my intention to do wrong by any of you. That is what makes this harder! I fight on for you! Analyzing every decision i make to make sure you are all taken care of in a sea of forums that want to do nothing more than take your money. That is why i have not quit!

Onward to the future! With transparency as always!

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 Ukshep    25,442
8 minutes ago, Cinnamon said:

@Ukshep Take some time off, meditate... whatever you feel like doing.  Recharge batteries:  :hug:

It is my hope that finally speaking about this will help. You can only suppress it inside for so long! Either way i will be taking appropriate actions and 2017 will be a great year!

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 garlic    2,639

@Ukshep  Yep, take a sanity break. I do it all the time. Turn off the computer, phone, TV and step away from it all. Turn on some music and relax. A bit of exercise helps too. Maybe a long walk?

Sounds like you are on mental overload my friend.  It happens to all of us especially during the holiday season.

Have a rest, we got this shep!

:grouphug:

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display name   
display name

You sound like Courtdude before he completely lost the plot. Have you set fire to any curtains with your mind yet?

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 Ukshep    25,442
4 minutes ago, display name said:

You sound like Courtdude before he completely lost the plot. Have you set fire to any curtains with your mind yet?

Whoa that is some insanity right there. Nah but i do carry my stomach around in a wheelbarrow! one step ahead!

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Trypto-fan   
Trypto-fan
1 hour ago, Ukshep said:

Inner conflicts. I want to provide you guys and gals with a nice forum. Even while getting attacked from all angles by multiple people. This shit is worse than gang-stalking and goes into psychic attacks and none of my methods of protection are working. I am only human! 

So i'll just counter this shit the good old fashioned way and spill. You can at least understand then if nothing else.

I was influenced over 2 years to destroy my ego. I did so willingly because i knew my ego to be bad and sacrificed it and my personal self for you all. Egos have killed many a forum you see.

Sadly this has destroyed my personal opinion of my self worth. And i find it hard now to cope with the shit that i am required to do. It has started to affect my moderation and that is why i decided last night that for the good of everyone it was best that i removed my ability to do so temporarily.

I'll be taking a step back for a little while and re-discovering who i am as i have not had a break since we started, as before i was always here in some capacity. I found it hard to detach because i cared so damn much. But i guess that is my own fault! And it has led me to this path i am on now.

I'm not writing this to stir up drama. But to explain myself. I've been a dick while fighting a personal battle with myself over what needs to be done, what should be done and how best to do it without infringing upon your free speech. in hopes of providing a platform that people would love. How does one deal with a psyop agenda when its entire premise is based on forcing you to moderate just so they can use it against you? Catch 22! Damned if you do! Damned if you do not!

I realize now while that is a great goal i must retain some level of personal identity and self worth. I must rebuild who i am! I hope this post finds you all well from the heart of a broken man!

It has never been my intention to do wrong by any of you. That is what makes this harder! I fight on for you! Analyzing every decision i make to make sure you are all taken care of in a sea of forums that want to do nothing more than take your money. That is why i have not quit!

Onward to the future! With transparency as always!

When you destroy your Ego often you are left with nothing because your Ego has been masquerading as you for as long as you can remember. The real you has been suppressed, but the Ego also hid your strengths.

It does this to protect itself from you. It hides away from you the parts of you that can break the rules and social programming. Many people are extremely uncomfortable with this aspect of themselves which is unbalanced and untamed because it was hidden from you all your life. Jung called this hidden self the shadow side and suggested it's integration to complete the person and make them whole could take between 3-7 years, but Jung was a pussified man in the extreme. It can be done in 12 months with some dedication. Jung considered it an uneasy alliance because he was so socially indoctrinated by his society, he didn't want to acknowledge the Animal within ands what it's actual purpose was...to break rules and programming if required. 

 

Here is the really important part for you Shep. In the 1960 radical psychologists in the UK decided to try what Wilhelm Reich had suggested before being booted out pf psychology by the Freud faction, who sought to strengthen the Ego thereby making the individual a prisoner of their Ego unable to relate any unhappiness publicly. What Wilhelm Reich had suggested was radical, how about we free the self rather than make a strong Ego which ended up controlling people.

What these UK psychologists decided to try was stripping away the self. They thought when you stripped away all the parts of you there would be left some inner core. They used all sorts of methods fro stripping away the traumatic events in a persons lives to free them of those mental afflictions.

What they found was nothing. When you strip away all the layer we are nothing. We are made up, a series of affectations and traumatic events and social programming is what makes us what we are.

There is a huge advantage. When you strip away what you thought was you and take away all the things which were stopping you from being all you can be you can make the new you how you like.

 

Don't get confused by the shadows of the old self. Behaviors are learned, they will return if new behaviors are not created to fill the blanks.

 

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 Ukshep    25,442
6 minutes ago, Trypto-fan said:

When you destroy your Ego often you are left with nothing because your Ego has been masquerading as you for as long as you can remember. The real you has been suppressed, but the Ego also hid your strengths.

It does this to protect itself from you. It hides away from you the parts of you that can break the rules and social programming. Many people are extremely uncomfortable with this aspect of themselves which is unbalanced and untamed because it was hidden from you all your life. Jung called this hidden self the shadow side and suggested it's integration to complete the person and make them whole could take between 3-7 years, but Jung was a pussified man in the extreme. It can be done in 12 months with some dedication. Jung considered it an uneasy alliance because he was so socially indoctrinated by his society, he didn't want to acknowledge the Animal within ands what it's actual purpose was...to break rules and programming if required. 

 

Here is the really important part for you Shep. In the 1960 radical psychologists in the UK decided to try what Wilhelm Reich had suggested before being booted out pf psychology by the Freud faction, who sought to strengthen the Ego thereby making the individual a prisoner of their Ego unable to relate any unhappiness publicly. What Wilhelm Reich had suggested was radical, how about we free the self rather than make a strong Ego which ended up controlling people.

What these UK psychologists decided to try was stripping away the self. They thought when you stripped away all the parts of you there would be left some inner core. They used all sorts of methods fro stripping away the traumatic events in a persons lives to free them of those mental afflictions.

What they found was nothing. When you strip away all the layer we are nothing. We are made up, a series of affectations and traumatic events and social programming is what makes us what we are.

There is a huge advantage. When you strip away what you thought was you and take away all the things which were stopping you from being all you can be you can make the new you how you like.

 

Don't get confused by the shadows of the old self. Behaviors are learned, they will return if new behaviors are not created to fill the blanks.

 

100% accurate, This is the slow realization i have come to over the last few months. I also realize now that everything is easy. It's at my fingertips. All that is required is that i gain the knowledge and wisdom to understand it better and then act correctly. It's my perception!

Alas i have learned more about myself in the last 2 years than i have in 23 years! so this is a win!

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 Ukshep    25,442

It is a strange journey when one decides that they have been lying to themselves for more than a decade.. But i see something beautiful in the unfiltered truth of ones self even if what you see is not what you like. To cut through all the bullshit we layer upon ourselves to hide our insecurities. The lies we tell ourselves to justify our actions.... Truth is i came onto the forum scene as a fat, drunk, narcissist, who womanized / slept around but never broke my code / All i wanted was fun! I used my ego to hide issues i did not want to deal with. Issues created not through society but from circumstances seemingly out of my control in the defense of others.

Now i have responsibilities beyond what i want in life. Although i will be reserving a little more time for myself. 2016 has been a year for winning! that's for sure. Ditched booze, Lost a lot of weight, found a fantastic partner, Defeated my ego and the illusions i had created around myself to cope with issues. And became wiser in the process and gained an understanding of myself in the process beyond anything i knew ever existed.

:mischieftroll:

I should rename this thread therapy 101!

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Sky Cat   
Sky Cat

In your mid 20s you change (or at least a person SHOULD [naturally] change), same as with early 30s (around 33/34), then again mid 40s, until around 62-64 then there's another change.  It's good if one can get through these patches and into a more-positive self each time.  Keep being constructive with things in your mind, whether old or new stuff, and take one step at a time/day at a time.  The most important thing is stop the mind from being cluttered with stuff too much, and at best to empty it most of the time (doesn't mean not thinking, just uncluttered with stuff.)
 

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