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Raxoxane

Abductees' Lives

21 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

I was just thinking,our way of life,me+my family being anarchists,and conspiracy theorists,and clairvoyants and empaths/psychics and abductees, it is so natural and entrenched since first memory to be Different,to be outsiders-that i don't really think of it all that much.We grew up,as children,in THE most oppressive,strict,toe-the-party-line society in the world. The only near equivalent would be NK,although of course we had enough food,sunshine and wholesome environment growing up.And our leaders did not have ridiculous pompous hairstyles.But both of us,my husband and myself,growing up in separate lives in the same province,both felt so profoundly like we were not of these people,like we we were not even members of the human race. Like we were left behind,and left behind enemy lines on a world not our own,among a race we felt nothing but loathing and contempt for,with very few exceptions.

As a child growing up in a suburb of Cape Town,as an abductee,and given at age 10 days old to a Very strange family by a Freemason who was a  lifelong best friend of my adoptive parents,and a very irregular and mysterious adoption it was too,life was hard,and every day was a battle to hang onto sanity. Because i was told from almost first memory that i was insane,and should learn to manage my insanity as well as i could manage,if i was to have any semblance of a successful life. Which in that time and place was to marry,be a good wife,a NORMAL woman and have babies-nothing wrong with That,mind you! BUT it was made clear that women who chose to rather wait to their 30's to marry and have kids were "odd" and maybe not very good people,selfish really.That woman,or girls who spoke of strange events in the lives of themselves and their families would Never get Anywhere,and sure as all heck Never find a decent husband with gainful employment.

And when i tried to remind my mother of the strange incursions upon our lives,which i remembered very profoundly,and which some of included her also-she would get furious and tell me to shut up with my mad gibberish. But i kept the faith in myself,in my sanity,and in the fact that reality was different than most people could-or Wanted to see and admit.How, i kept that faith,against the odds of an incredibly abusive childhood,i don't know. When i think back to that poor lil girl,i would give anything to go back in time and give her a hug and tell her: "You are gonna be okay honey,you are eventually,after many painful years,be just Fine and So strong,So much stronger than folks who had it easy,You just hang in there!!"

 

My adoptive mother told me in early childhood that she so regretted adopting me,and that her husband was Furious with her for adopting a baby while he was out of country. He was up in Africa,apparently at the time,doing godknowswhat. When i was older i wondered about this aspect of my adoption,i reckoned that even in South Africa in 1965,BOTH prospective adoptive parents had to sign for the baby? But she told me when i asked,that the Freemason was the chairman of the Board of the Adoption Commission/Committee/whatever ungodly thing. I was born in a Catholic place,a Magdalene home in Wynberg/Kenilworth in the southern suburbs of Cape Town,and uncle Eugene their Freemason friend gave me to her,my adoptive mother and organised everything. Ironically the man who came down from darkest Africa to Africa Lite(SA) :-)))) turned out to be a very good father to the surprising little bundle he found on his return.Pity he chose to almost never be home. In hindsight i cannot blame the poor man.I too would have been elsewhere most of the time if i was him,like Jupiter or Pluto.

 

My adoptive mother was demented,and her two adult sons were damaged beyond repair. One,the oldest son, was a real sweet nice person,but so damaged that he could,except for holding down a job,not have any semblance of a normal life. He always seemed out of it.Again,an older me realised he was most likely high on MJ every possible minute he could be,and again,i cannot really blame him. He died without ever having even one date,or one girlfriend or boyfriend or relationship,at the age of 63,in his sleep-and of that,i am so terribly grateful-he was a real nice person,he deserved to die softly and peacefully in his sleep.Her youngest son,oh dearest Cthulhu..what a f-ing nightmare..always slammin' drunk,always hostile and aggressive,and he had a gun,which he delighted in firing shots from,through the roof of his bedroom,when the obese creepy neighbour Uncle Ben came to sit and drink with him. Uncle Ben scared easy,for things like guns being fired.I recall sometimes running outside in the night,when he would go full-on apeshit,and went screaming through the house,seeming homocidal-i mean i didn't mind the sound of a gun being fired through the roof-my adoptive father and those 2 boys took me into the fields on the farm a few times when i was around 11yo-and taught me to shoot with a hunting rifle-but you know when shit is getting Real,and i would hide outside in the darkness till he passed out.

 

I had so many surreal and high-strange experiences in my childhood,being an abductee,for instance sitting in the hallway outside the kitchen and being handed a coloring book and a new packet of coloured crayons-the picture i never forget-a rooster. I start colouring the tail feathers,when i look up,and i can see the sky through the roof of the hallway and adjacent kitchen. In my small kid way i think WTF? next thing i am lifted up from behind,up and away from the colouring-book and the floor. Then i am floating outside the kitchen window,and the sky is brown,with a red sun/moon/planet in the sky.Then i remember no more. Next memory i am back in the house with my mother,but it feels strange and like we are not in the real world,like the whole house is not in the real world..there is a blue-green light,and i ask my mother,where is my colouring-book,i want to finish colouring the tail of the rooster. She looks at me with absolute hatred and disgust and says: "Well it would have disappeared off the planet,wouldn't it now?" Such cold anger and hatred,i cringe,and then i remember nothing more.

 

Another time,i was about 3 going on 4 (my memory goes far back,i even have one memory of a certain day when i was a baby,and there was a photo of that day,i saw it when i was older and told my mother that i remember that day,it was a happy memory for a change) when i dawdled into my mother's chicken run,and i was happy and cheerful,till i got inside. I suddenly felt this most horrible feeling of utter hopelessness and anger and sadness and despair,the sun got very bright,and i blacked out,on my feet. I will never know what happened,but when i came out of it,still on my feet,one of my mother's chickens lay dead on the ground,and one drop of blood fell from one of it's eyes. I felt sick with horror,not just because of the poor f-ing chicken,it was because as i came to,before i even saw the murdered chicken,i Felt,i Knew,i had this overwhelming awareness in my mind and heart and soul: "You will NEVER have a normal life,you will never be a normal person" I felt like a disgusting freak,like i had no place in this world,like i did Not belong Here.Like i was an..imposter,i guess,and i felt ashamed,deeply ashamed,for trying even to pass as a member of the human race,i felt i was sneaky and disgusting for trying to pretend i belonged in this world.But WTF else was i supposed to do?? that was hard,really really hard to get past,and it took me decades to finally manage to hack it.

 

The neighbours seemed to be inextricably intertwined with our strange life too. We were the only 2 families living in the industrial compound of the company my father and Uncle Ben worked for,it was an industrial compound on the "wrong side of the tracks". The house we lived in,in the company compound,was right up next to an old deconsecrated church,on a graveyard. My father was tending the veggie patch in the garden right up against the church when he dug up a human skull.I went with him when he went to give it to one of his many friends,this man had a whole room full of skulls,probably an anthropologist or something,idk,not my problem:-) Anyway i was sexually abused by the girls,two teenage girls,when i was a small child,i wasn't particularly traumatised by this,i just thought they were Really weird-but then,i only knew weird,nothing in my life and home and family was "normal" so it was neither here nor there. Thing is, i have these memories of somehow being in their house when they were nowhere to be seen. I have no memories of arriving or leaving,i only have indelible memories of sitting in their hallway in an overpowering golden light,the air was thick and syrupy,and this golden light was all around,and i had the distinct feeling they were in their rooms,or in wardrobes,or Under their beds,and they could not come out even if they wanted.

 

In that time and place,decades before the Internet,in an oppressive and puritanical society where everyone else and their families were the "Stepford Wives" normal and prim and proper type people,my life was a nightmare.I had No cookin' clue what was wrong with my life,and with the lives of my family,and the neighbour family,they were almost like an extension of my adoptive family,my childhood and childhood memories are completely intertwined with their lives too.But i was a smart kid,and one thing my adoptive mother did right,was to teach me to read at an early age,like 4yo-and even from reading books and magazines before i even got to school age-i could tell something was Dreadfully wrong with my life,and the lives of the people i lived with.But in that time and place everything "off" was a case of "Its the Debbil" so even if there was someone who really wanted to listen to me,i guess they would've figured:Demons.And actually the house i grew up in was severely infested with hostile,malevolent entities,i could sense them so keenly,and much much supernatural creepy shit happened there to all of us. Maybe that is why my adoptive mother's youngest son was such a determined drunk-he was clairvoyant too-he could See the spirits and entities,whereas i could just feel them,and That was bad enough,thanks very much.I seem to always be surrounded by clairvoyants and psychics,throughout my life,starting in childhood. Even this place where we live now,out in the Bush,there is a town about 8 clix away,and we lived there for a year in a company house,before we came to live in the company's Bush village/compound. Thing is,i had the name of the town in my head since early childhood-and throughout the years,when i heard the name of the town,i would get this little twingey pain in my heart. When the hubby said he had an interview here,i started packing immediately.

 

We ended up living for a year next to the woman who is my absolute soulmate friend,we can go months without talking-and just pick up where we left off. She is also an abductee,only one of 2 abductees i've met in this country,in 51 years of life. And she is also an empath/psychic-and her husband is a clairvoyant.The lives of abductees are full of synchronicities.

 

Well i just thought i'd start this thread,so members here can get to know me,and i don't often feel like talking much so i figured while i'm in the mood i'd better get around to it-and also for the future,if there are any abductees here,or may join,feel free to post to this thread.In the past few years since 2012 i have had quite a few abductions,woken up with marks,bruises,needlemarks,injuries like sprained muscles,even bleeding for 9 days after one event,when i also got a strange injection-and the mark is in my wolf-tattoo,hidden in the hair on top of it's head,also an "old" injection scar in a place i Never got an injection,many things. Anyway,ya hope y'all don't think i'm daft in the head. Thing is,i guess i don't Really care:-) this thread is for the ones who feel it because they know it.

 

 

 

Edited by Raxoxane
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Rax,

thanks for taking the risk of sharing it all.  I've seen your previous attempts and from the beginning I've been simply gobsmacked at what you've been through.  But more than that, gobsmacked you got through it at all, much less got through it with your sanity intact.  Many have experienced far less and  been totally destroyed by it.

I avoided saying  much earlier because I didn't want to touch this until  I have something helpful to say.  I did not wish to dishonor your courage by saying something hurtful, even by accident.

One thing I did notice.  You somehow came to understand your AUTHORITY in these encounters and so few do.  That may be what preserved you from much worse.  These things want POWER encounters and if they can trick people into resisting on that level they win every time.  Those who turn it into an  AUTHORITY encounter have discovered how to resist in a way they cannot beat.

I suspect you've been caught  in a vicious tug of war, but the Love side will have used all of it to prepare you for a very special call.  It will not be in vain.

 

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Hii Jostler,so much appreciated,your kindness:-) Bless you.Ya wow it's been like a thousand miles of baaaad road:-) About the Authority,you are So correct-you know sometimes one has to really sit down and Analyse things. Like: What has been the common denominator,the predominant narrative i have been fed since first memory?

 

Ah yes..This:

You are a freak,and you are powerless,your life is not your own,you are helpless,you are a victim,you have no real power even over your own life and emotions,we pull the strings,you dance,you are little more than cattle,we harvest when we please,you are Powerless,good grief get it through your thick skull already will ya,you are a VICTIM,a helpless victim! We control even your destiny!

Now..when they overplay their hand So egregiously,perhaps it cannot hurt to examine why they are pushing a certain narrative so damn hard and unrelentingly. And they Pushed,good Cthulhu-even my marriage was an arranged marriage,i'm not going into detail but my husband knows it is also. He has in fact told me many years ago,that when he was 15yo one night something happened,he cannot remember what exactly,but his prime directive since than has been to fulfil this "mission" He had been told where he must go at a certain time in his life,and find a certain woman,in those unusual circumstances,and marry her.Me. I was the woman.And though it may sound blissfully romantic..it was the exact opposite. It was hellish,for both of us,after the first year or two. We pretty much despised each other till recently,both being very strong-willed stubborn people,who are so incompatible its RiDiculous. Because always they want to impose the maximum amount of stress,pain,unhappiness,isolation,frustration,anger,despair. I suppose we were to be each others' "handlers". Bloody surreal,i tell you.Or maybe it's about the genetics,we have 2 children together.Well eventually it doesn't matter anymore-we are finally content together,we are buddies. Battle-buddies i guess,godknows it's been a war for almost 2 decades. All of course,till recently,making us both feel powerless,trapped,and like VICTIMS.

You know what finally empowered me? to step out of any attempt at relying on any deity,any religious figure. Since earliest childhood,when my mother would read to me from the bible,my gut reaction,my overwhelming instinct was :"Well this is a crock" Sorry if you have religion,you are so kind and i would hate to offend you but i'm just saying what My own personal feelings are on this,you know? 

Just,since things went hot in 2011,i have been led to gain more insight into the nature of our reality,and the afterlife,and it has confirmed to me what i have felt so soulcore-deep since earliest childhood-that the only thing/entity one can and should depend on,is one's power as a sovereign soul-for this incarnation,Here,inside these ridiculous human suits. What a Mess. So..undignified. I am Never incarnating as a human again. Like,not EVER.But ya,we are sovereign souls, and in realising that,there is enormous power.I can see how it must be a scary or outrageous concept for people who do relate to/resonate with formal religion,i never had that,though i Tried,i tried my ass off,i mean it was Heavy indoctrination in my country,growing up,even in the state schools,religion was forced down one's throat all the time,everywhere.Which once again made me feel like a total freak,because i could Not,no matter how hard i tried. Some people will confuse this with being an atheist or satanist,but it is not that either,not by the longest shot in the universe.

I DO believe in an afterlife,and i sure as Hell,pardon the pun:-DD do not pay any heed or attention to satan/lucifer/whatever. I worship NOTHING and NOBODY,NO ENTITY. I have myself,i am a sovereign soul,beholden to no one. And i think,it seems to work for me,when you finally wrap your mind around the power of That concept-things and stuff start leaving you alone. Because you fear nothing anymore. And you won't put up with shite from anybody. Especially not from demonic little girls in rabbit masks.

 

I have to go get some rest,its 2:22 here in Mzansi,thanks so much for your kind reply,so much appreciated-i really hope i did not offend you about the religion bit.

Bless you.

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If you are as cunning as a serpent and just as sharp-tongued, you will win every encounter!

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13 minutes ago, Cryptic Mole said:

If you are as cunning as a serpent and just as sharp-tongued, you will win every encounter!

Rax, do you agree with this? A mental encounter, yes. But an abduction is a physical attack. How do you defend against a powerful force?

What a book this would be!!! And I have a feeling a lot of people would say you are writing about their own experiences. 

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Posted (edited)

9 hours ago, Raxoxane said:

...You know what finally empowered me? to step out of any attempt at relying on any deity,any religious figure. Since earliest childhood,when my mother would read to me from the bible,my gut reaction,my overwhelming instinct was :"Well this is a crock" Sorry if you have religion,you are so kind and i would hate to offend you but i'm just saying what My own personal feelings are on this,you know? ...

Rax, please don't tiptoe around me for fear of offense.  I am not offended nor even tempted to be.  I receive your blessings as sincere and I appreciate them :)  I AM going to be coming from a very staunchly Biblical perspective because I can do no other.  You have a right to know that up front, but the Bible is the only guide I have found for natural or spiritual life that has never let me down or lied to me.

But, let me also acknowledge this:

Quote

“The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”

Brennan Manning

 

One of Lucifer's favorite tools is the false flag.  Put on the enemy's uniform, and then go out and commit all manner of unholy atrocities ...thereby defaming his enemy.  We see it in the natural, and in the spiritual.  I submit to you the possibility that the name of Jesus Christ (and His teaching) has been subjected to massive false flag campaigns of disinformation all through human history.

If you can afford to put aside your knowledge of all the horrible atrocities that have been committed in the past in the name of religion,  I *may* be able to share a perspective you haven't heard before that *might* give you an angle to consider your personal experiences ...a slightly different interpretive  lens...which you may or may not find helpful

I can tell you my heart, and it is deeply committed to loving you, your  husband, your kids, and everyone else who has been through the horrors you have endured.

 

And that applies whether you receive or believe anything I might say in the future.  If at any point you tell me you don't want to hear more from me from my Biblical perspective I will HONOR your free will and cease and desist immediately.

I have come to hate the word "christian" because the name has been thoroughly tarnished by all the  horrible things done in that name.  I describe myself as a disciple of Jesus Christ in order to avoid being so thoroughly boxed in by most of the world's definition of "christian".  In most eyes the label would be applicable to me, but I beg you for the grace, an opportunity, a chance, to convince you that maybe there is something to this man Jesus besides (and far better than :) anything you've been shown to date.

If you can grant me that, I'm looking forward, very much, to our chats :)  And if not, I'm committed to loving you anyway :)

*hugs*   (and that's brotherly...no woman on the net anywhere will testify I made a pass at them, I honor and respect your  marriage bonds, and you need not be concerned I'd ever attempt to take a hug anywhere beyond that)

Jostler

 

 

Edited by Jostler
added video
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Posted (edited)

11 hours ago, grav said:

Rax, do you agree with this? A mental encounter, yes. But an abduction is a physical attack. How do you defend against a powerful force?

What a book this would be!!! And I have a feeling a lot of people would say you are writing about their own experiences. 

 
 
 

You have much more power than you think you do with things like this. Had I really understood this better 30 something years ago when I had my experience in Florida, It would have turned out much differently than it did!

I really wound up being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so because I was curious, I got myself caught up in a situation I wished I hadn't.

Edited by Cryptic Mole
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To much to read atm. Will do it when I get back. TY for coming back and posting Rax.

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Thank you for sharing your story Raxoxane. It's powerful and I'm moved by it.
This isn't an easy topic for me. Although I'm not an abductee my life has been filled with dimensional entities.
I also felt (at times still do) that I don't belong here and I'm different from others. However, I couldn't figure out how or why.
I also felt lost, hopeless and powerless as a child. Thankfully it wasn't my parents telling me this. I knew it deep down; school reinforced it.
Sometimes I am given relief and nothing happens for months, sometimes years and I feel more "normal" then but it doesn't last.
For a long time I thought I was the cause of their return. Just by thinking about them I invited them back into my life.
Old habits are hard to break so I'll have to take time and reread your posts before commenting further.

:hug:

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Thanks so much for your replies everyone-so much appreciated! i have to go make dinner,but will be back on later in the evening,my daughter was home last night+today so i didn't come online.Cryptic Mole:-)))) thnks that gave me a giggle:-)

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Rax has enough to write a book. If all we COPers contributed our own life stories, we'd have a set of encyclopedias. But you know, we're not supposed to talk about these things. And EVERYBODY has had them -- but they are now hidden away in dark corners of their own minds. And they tell themselves they are just bad dreams, not real, not important. Cognitive dissonance and community standards, tsk. Our modern culture has turned us into scaredy-cat babies.

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